Dear Diary

I think I've always had a blogger identity issues.

I read all these cute blogs and I want to be like them.

It would be nice to have some followers.

I know to make a good blog I need good content, good pictures, and good writing.

I know I've been lacking on almost all of these fronts.

Sigh, but I miss blogging.

I've gone through a life slump.

My massage career has come to a road block, and I've been working on climbing over it, 

but it's going to take some time.

In the meantime, I've gone back to making lattes-

in a Target.

I didn't think it would bother me as much as it does, but I'm stuck in a uniform (with a hat. I hate hats)

working for people who are new to the coffee game (it's only be open for six months)

and all of the people I went to high school with are home for the holidays and shopping at Target. 

I know it's not true but all these factors make me feel like I've failed.

I'm angry about where my life's at and at the same time I don't want to face the reality of it.

I come home and crash on the couch, turn on the tv and turn off everything else.

I'm quick to temper, sad, and scared.

Then I realize that I'm just letting life slip by me. 

The only thing I do outside of work is watch tv and stress about what to do with four three-month-old kittens (that no one wants-are you kidding me?)

I need this blog. I need something to do that will keep my brain working.

Keep me wanting to read, write, move, anything besides just existing.

So, I'm going to keep trying with this blog even if no one follows me, or no one even reads it

because I need this to get me to the next step.